The Best Time to Have Your Next Baby
It’s hard to plan for something that may or may not happen – like getting pregnant a second time when you have infertility issues.
Throw that double when your first baby was literally a miracle child!
I thrive on deadlines. So it’s extra-hard for my personality type to “miss” a big date in my schedule. I’m no good at trying to plan life around the unknown. And the older I get, the more I realize that life is simply one big pot of what-the-hecks, total oh-em-gees, and ridiculous uncertainties. Cue the gasp!
That’s one of many reasons why I think God really gets me, y’all. You know how in the Bible it says that we Christians aren’t home yet because we’re just not of this world? (I’m paraphrasing.) That’s so me. I’m not built for this kind of willy-nilly life, friends. I need more structure! I need more definites!
Is anyone with me?!
(I’ll just skulk over to my corner alone now…) 😉
In case the above didn’t tip you off to the fact yet, I’ve got a wee bit of a control-freak streak.
I’ve come to embrace it. (My immediate family still has not…but maybe something will change over the next 30 years!)
I’ve also struggled for many years with PCOS – a really frustrating medical condition that affects many women, causes infertility, has no known cure, and is mystifying even to doctors who “specialize” in “treating” it.
The original plan was to have babies back-to-back, though. I’m really not great at leading life “off-plan,” as we discussed earlier. Everyone who knows me knows that I always have a plan. And not having more babies right after Scarlett turned one was not the (original) plan.
In some ways, I’m absolutely ready for another baby. In others, though, I’m still nervous about the idea. From the whole experience of newborns – which I’ve decided is just not “my thing” – to the idea of having my attention pulled from Scarlett in any way…it’s an intimidating possiblity. But…are we ever really ready? You might be nodding your head avidly, or you might be like me with a tentative, “Sure…”
A huge part of me wants more time to focus on my first, amazing, beautiful, strong, smart, “miracle” baby.
I don’t want to have to answer the question, “So when’s the next coming?” anymore. Especially when I’m still in a bit of a fog from the first. And by “a fog,” I really mean it. At first, it was a fog of misunderstanding, shattered expectations, and buckets of doubt and tears. Now, though…it’s a fog of sheer, unadulterated, blissful, confident, immeasurable, love. I adore my baby girl more than I ever thought I could. I love her more every second of every day. I love memorizing her every expression, sweeping her up, breathing her in, and taking my time to focus just on her and nothing else. From the way she tried to form words in the early days to the way she’s forming sentences now…to the way she’s kept graduating from laying to running to…growing up…I’m scared to miss a beat.
I don’t want to miss a thing.
Having had such a traumatic first experience with a newborn, how could I tear myself away from Scarlett to devote time to another rage-filled, teeny-tiny, pushy little human? Won’t I miss something from one or both of them if I do?
It’s illogical to think this way, I know. There’s a small, confident voice inside of me saying my next newborn won’t cause such a shock to my life.
I know newborns are tough. (Understatement of the year right there, y’all.) But I also know what they need now, unlike before.
I know how to change a diaper.
I know that if my milk isn’t coming in, or my baby is sick from what she’s getting from me despite numerous changes, formula really is an amazing supplement or even alternative – despite anything online that openly demonizes it.
I know that I need to help my baby sleep; she won’t just know how right out of the womb.
I know the baby won’t suddenly die if I don’t stare at her and make sure she’s breathing every minute.
I know so much now, and knowledge is power.
I also know not to fear that my love must be divided if I have another baby.
I feared that my love for Andy would have to half in order for me to love my daughter well. But in reality – in magnificent, stunning reality – love is an infinite well within us, with so many different kinds. When we don’t think we could possibly love more, we do.
Love is never divided; it’s simply multiplied.
The obvious deduction here is that more babies doesn’t mean less love for each of them. It means more and more and more love within your heart, in equal wells for each.
I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of being created in God’s image: the unconditional love we have for our children is such a striking hint at the immeasurable love the Lord has for us.
Timing is everything.
But, let’s be honest. My timing sucks. It’s completely inadequate. God’s timing, though…it’s just perfect. Am I really in control of “when” I have my next baby? Not really. It could be this year. It could be in 10 years. Regardless of when, it’ll be perfect timing – because I’m relying on God and His plans for me.
I may not like uncertainty.
I may loathe the unexpected.
But I can have peace that He knows what’s best for me.
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When it comes to discovering how to find the best time to have my next baby, it’s more about God’s will for my life and my willingness to accept it than anything.
I’m more than willing to embrace the next chapter – when and if that includes a second (third or even fourth!), amazing, beautiful, strong, smart, “miracle” baby.
So, when’s the next coming?
Only God knows for sure. That’s when.
What’s your go-to answer when someone asks when your next baby is coming? Do share in the comments below!
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